My grandkids love to use their imaginations. I did, too, but after a life of missed fantasies – finding the perfect vacuum, the perfect bed, the perfect blender, the perfect iron, the perfect husband (is that one dependent on being the perfect woman?), my senses are dull. I’m a realist now.
When the grandkids spend the night and we lay down together to tell bedtime stories, I take a practical approach and include lessons I think they can use. The Bug has been having some self-esteem issues, so I used one of my favorite jokes –
The parents of a young set of twins, one an optimist and one a pessimist, take on an ardent task of trying to balance out their children’s personalities. They buy a boatload of presents for the pessimist and a mound of manure for the optimist. The pessimist stares at the heap of toys. “Why don’t you play with your new toys?” they ask.
“I’m afraid I might break them,” he sadly replies.
Meanwhile, the optimist if flinging poo everywhere, humming to himself, “I know there’s got to be a pony in here somewhere.”
And turned it into a cute story. Afterwards, we talked about what we could have done to help the little boy who was a pessimist think more positively.
“Well, Grandma,” the Bug said after our discussion, “your story is almost as good as Uncle Brandon’s.”
“What story do you mean?” I asked.
“You know the one he told us on the way to the Kern River about Tonto, the praying mantis from New Mexico, who visited Fred, his catepillar friend from Montana, in Ireland.”
Okay, I admit it. I can’t top Hot Wheelz.
“And Aunt Coco’s story where she talked like a potato bug,” added the Worm.
I never was good at dialects.
A recurring theme
Then it was the kids’ turns. The Bug’s story was about five puppies. The Worm’s consumed with lost kittens (scary lost kitties I might add), and then squeezed in her favorite joke –
A duck walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?”
“No, we don’t have any grapes. Now get outta here.”
He leaves.
Next day, about the same time, he walks into the bar, and asks, “Got any grapes?”
“I told you yesterday, we don’t have any grapes. I f you come in again I’ll nail your foot to the floor.”
He leaves again.
Next day, about the same time, he walks into the bar, and asks, “Got any grapes?”
“I told you yesterday and the day before, we don’t have any grapes. I f you come in again I’ll nail your foot to the floor.”
He leaves again.
Next day, about the same time, he walks into the bar, and asks, “Got any nails?”
“No, we don’t have any nails!”
“Got any grapes?”
The following morning, while cutting up leftover chicken for sandwiches, I asked, “Got any grapes for the chicken salad?”
“No,” said Couponman.
I wasn’t sure he was sure, so I asked again. “Got any grapes?”
“I already told you no,” he said again. “If you ask me one more time, I’ll nail your foot to the floor.”
See why I’m a pragmatist.
Related posts:
- Where did the years go?
- Never too old for a sleepover
- Modern family
- A winter’s day in California with grandkids
- Leave them alone
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Wonderful post!!! I can just picture you on the floor surrounded by kids! You tell a great bedtime story Grandma Penny!~
It sounds as if there is a lot of storytelling and joke-telling talent in your family!
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