Who would have guessed?

The only thing I’ve done consistently in my life is fall off the diet wagon.  And here I am, six months later still blogging.  Why?  Yes, I’ve wondered, too. 

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Fudge a little — it keeps people entertained and guessing.  Like when I told the Reporter, if he married me (with four teens), his life would be better.  “You promised,” he says.  “I lied,” I answer.  But never, ever exaggerate about anything that hurts someone or that you’ll be forced to remember at a later date.  The memory thing’s just not gonna happen.

 

• I’m never going to be rich and famous from blogging.  In a Google search for my blog, the page rank for So Circumcise me is higher than So Humor me.  Kind of funny, since I actually did almost circumcise my finger…  More people have found my blog by searching for Speedo guy than for my wit and humor. 

 

• Travel light – I boarded a plane to visit my sons, I was pretty proud of my compact suitcase.  It must have impressed the guy next to me, too.  “Is that all you have?” he asked.  “My ex-wife’s makeup bag was bigger than that.”

 

• Get out more — being on the outside is definitely more fun than on the inside looking out.  

 

• Friends support you in your efforts — they may shake their heads, but they’ll laugh and cry with you.  And even SUBSCRIBE to your blog!   (Family members, however, tend to alter birth certificates.)

 

• Blogging reunites you with old (okay, not old, but) cherished friends and family, who before had only kept in touch in the cyberworld of forwarded emails.

 

• Every once in a while you luck out and make new friends.  Google is not one of them.

 

• People whose name end in “i” are really funny — so much fun that I’ve dubbed a few of you with your own honorary “i” name.

 

• Loving friends cover you and never judge.  During my last Utah visit, I had borrowed Hot Wheelz’ truck to go quite a distance with just enough time squeezed in for a luncheon date with a dear friend before heading back.  As we left McDonald’s, I realized in all the excitement, I had no idea where the loose key to the truck was.  I checked my pocket, peeked into the driver’s window and saw no key dangling, talked a McDonald’s worker into slipping on rubber gloves and checking the trash, and dumped my purse contents onto the asphalt parking lot.  Still no key.  Rebecca never panicked.  Just then I reached into my other pocket, and magic, there was the key.  Then my brave friend walked into the restaurant (used in the loosest of terms) on my behalf and announced to the rubber gloved worker, “Thanks anyway.” 

 

• Some of you, much younger than me, are already much wiser than I am, matriculating early from learning centers other than the School of Hard Knocks. 

 

• Ask permission – forgiveness is not a given.

 

• Life is easier when you look for something to laugh about.  Being cited for a traffic ticket, tiling a floor, taking a family vacation, surviving modern technology, winning a friendly competition of “worse day” has never been as enjoyable.

 

• Blogging has made me more observant.  BB (before blogging), I might have missed the four-year-old merrily running into the Worm’s birthday party and shouting, “I’m wearing panties today,” had I not been looking for new material.  It made me think of another friend, not four years old, who still thinks this is an option.  In both cases, I smiled.

 

• And lastly, my family still doesn’t listen. 

Last week, the seven-year-old Bug asked, “Grandma, if you write down your blog address for me, I’ll read it.”  Love that kid. 

P.S.  Thanks for reading.  Please leave COMMENTS on the posts.  It really does make my day.  Tempts me to go workout at the gym again just to make you smile.

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