Twenty ways you know you are getting old…

1. All the reading glasses you bought at the 99¢ store disappear.  (You thought you could outsmart them by buying several pairs, but they rebel and congregate in one spot – your “blind spot”)
2. As you drive, you recognize street names by the length of their character strings
3. You forget what you are saying and someone in the crowd helps you out with a suggestion.  You answer, “Sure, that was it,” but you really aren’t sure.
4. You and your children are looking the same age (but, of course, you aren’t wearing your glasses – see item #1)
5. You reach the top rung of the ladder to paint the crown molding only to realize the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall and the paint brush is still at the bottom of the ladder
6. You attempt to do the “wave” while touring on the Big topless Red Bus (not to be confused with touring topless on the Big Red bus), but the only part of your body to lift off your seat is your arms
7. Your grandkids sing the songs from your heyday, only because they’ve heard the commercial jingles
8. You have to store a pair of reading glasses in the bathroom to read the labels on your medications (see item #1)
9. You can’t believe people pay twice as much for a Ford than you paid for your first house
10. You own clothes that are not reproductions from an earlier era
11. You run the DVR back five times, and you still can’t understand what the actors said
12. You suffer from excess skin syndrome – above your knees, above your eyelids, and on your arms.  However, the hangy skin on your elbow does give your grandkids something to play with when they are sitting in the row of  car seats behind you
13. You have body parts that go out more often than you do
14. You need four eyes (see item #1) to apply your eyeliner but with droopy eyelids no one can see it anyway (see item #12) 
15. Your grandkids can outrun you
16. You toot frequently and you are not in a band
17. You receive a text message “OMG LOL SYS” and have no idea what it means, but you think it might be a virus on your computer system
18. You tell your kid he’s lazy and he claims you’re politically incorrect.  “Lazy is judgmental,” he answers back. “I’m actually just motivationally deficient.”
19. You don’t shave your legs as often because you can’t see the hairs (unless you’ve just found the congregation of glasses in item #1)
20. What’s the twentieth item?  You just forgot…

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