Twelve things I have done

Inspired by my new grandma friend of twelve things she had never done, I decided to come up with twelve things I had done.  You decide noteworthy or ill-fated.

1.            Totaled three cars within the space of six months — during the first six months I had a license.   I’ve gotten better (or luckier).  Incidentally I was sober at the time.  And just for those wondering, I’m always sober, just not careful.

2.            Went skiing once when it was really foggy.  Thought going downhill wasn’t half bad.  Went skiing a second time when it wasn’t foggy and realized the bottom of the mountain is really far down there.  Never went skiing again.

3.            Found out our little dog Buffy escaped the backyard over and over by jumping on the trampoline, then on to the fence, and over.  Actually it was Hot Wheelz who witnessed the escape, but I’m the ”finisher” who moved the trampoline.

4.            Married a second time when my four were teenagers.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  Never make that mistake again.  You guess which mistake.

5.            Painted a leg on 500 green P’s on Mylar balloons with fast drying acrylic to turn the P’s into R’s.  The printed balloons I’d ordered to sell at the Pasadena New Year’s Day Rose Parade arrived at the novelty shop on the afternoon of December 31^st with a single red rose, reading PASADENA ROSE PAPADE.

6.            As a single mom, I braved the wilderness for seven weeks in a Volkswagen Vanagon with four children under fourteen while we traveled through twenty states and covered over ten thousand miles.  Except for two restaurant stops, we did all of our own cooking, and slept in a Vanagon where my dad had removed and converted the second row of seats into sleeping quarters.  We passed through a tornado, canoed the Delaware River, and slid down more giant slides than I care to remember.  All without a cell phone. 

7.            Still have at least one friend who stays in touch from every decade of my life.  Just in case you’re guessing, that is now more than I can count on one hand.

8.            Never gave a baby a bottle in bed.  That’s the extent of my perfect parenting.

9.            Cried for hours after watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Braveheart, Murder in the First, and Old Yeller.  Also cried once when I walked through a room and a horse fell off a cliff in the movie my husband was watching.  Okay, more than once.

10.          Fell in love with Richie Cartledge on American Bandstand when I was a young teenager.  My dad got so sick of me swooning over him he was about to ship me to Philadelphia.  Then suddenly, fickle like a teenager, I just didn’t love him anymore.  (Take a look.  You gotta admit, he really was cute.) 

11.          Learned that God really does watch out for single moms and fools.  Coco survived roller skating over her own pinky finger, waffling the bottom of her foot on a floor furnace, and ironing the top of her own foot (I should’ve got it out more often so she knew what it was for).  Hot Wheelz broke his wrist three times in three years being catapulted from a neighbor’s legs.  So much for “The Boy’s” idea that catapulting sounds like the way to go.  Cheezy, from the kitchen counter, pulled a five-pound tin of peanut butter atop his head (as a single mom I saved money by buying in bulk long before Costco), and from the same counter, landed feet first in the dishwasher.  Sharp knives pointed up.  He required six stitches between two toes.  The GAP, the only one to land on her feet (literally), jumped from an open window while playing hide and seek to land on a piece of lumber complete with nails.

12.          Magically turned from a “grandma” skeptic into one who thinks this new profession is awesome.

Wow, what a feat to come up with twelve memorable events.  Most days it’s just go to work, come home, and veg.  (Okay, and nag.)  How about you?

Related posts:

1. Dastardly D’s
2. List for the doctor
3. He’s a peach
4. Postpartum blogging
5. Eight miles and a lifetime away