Surprise!

I’m not a person who likes surprises.  Just ask my kids.

They planned sneak attacks.  I’m a screamer.  Back to my inability to whisper.  I inherited it from Mom.  We went out of our way to keep her from undue anxiety.  We hid anything that resembled a rodent.  I stuffed a furry gray almost-real-looking mouse in my top drawer.  But one night, as she put clothes away, we knew she’d found my toy.  As did half the neighborhood.

I exhibited the same jumpiness.  But my kids, unlike me, didn’t prevent fright, they touted it.  They hid behind doors.  They sneaked up behind me.  When we remodeled the kitchen, Cheezy called to me.  “Mom, come here,” he wheedled.  “Something’s wrong.”  He pointed in the cutout for the sink.

As I glanced in the hole, his friend jumped up through the opening.

The sound of my own scream startled me more.  And I screamed again.  And again.  Like on a roller coaster, unable to stop.  Chad’s face turned red then ashen.  Cheezy loved it.

Then the episode with a real live lizard.  I shudder just to think about it.  I admit my trials aren’t gut-wrenching, but when was the last time a lizard darted out from under your vacuum?  Okay, so maybe I could clean a little more often so reptiles can’t take shelter.  My screams paralyzed the poor reptile.  Hot Wheelz shot his disgusted look.  And I don’t mean at the lizard.  He, casually, tossed it outside.  

On another evening, washing dishes, I spied a hunched over body coming toward me in the window’s reflection.  My bloodcurdling aria caused the character to straighten up and jump.

“You scared me,” Cheezy screeched.  “Why’d you scream before I got there?”

“I saw someone in the window and it frightened me.”  But even retribution didn’t stop him.

Apparently I’m not the only one who has a problem with “Surprise…”  (Time for another favorite joke.)

Three new hires are at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and gives instructions.  An Italian is in charge of sweeping, a Scotsman is in charge of shoveling, and a Chinese fellow is in charge of supplies.

When the foreman returns, he finds the pile of sand is untouched.  He asks why the sand pile has not been cleared.  The two in charge of shoveling and sweeping admit they have no shovel and broom.

The foreman is mad now. He storms off to look for the guy in charge of supplies.

Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, “SUPPLIES!!!!” 

(You gotta admit, you smiled.)

But today a surprise I can live with.  The phone rang.  A little voice was on the other end.  “Hi Grandma, it’s me, your Bug.”

“Wow, you made my day,” I said, smiling.

Then only giggles on the other end.  “Get ready for school,” a voice in the distance called, “What are you doing on the phone?”

“Mom,” he chuckles, “doesn’t know about this call.”

It’s good to feel loved, especially when no one in the background is prompting.

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2. Halloween on a budget
3. Long ago in the land of milk and cookies
4. I need a vacation from my vacation
5. Family vacation nightmare