As the years pass, being the life of the party has transformed into gearing up to stay awake. Sexy has been hijacked by comfortable. And instead of arriving fashionably late, we opt to arrive early for the hors d’oeuvres.
I now follow this agenda for holiday parties and concerts —
- Know the “theme of the evening” and dress accordingly in proper “all you can eat” outfits (casual — elastic waist pants, dressy — black elastic waist skirt, really dressy — slinky elastic waist skirt)
- Find an alluring, loose-fitting shimmering blouse. (You’d be surprised how difficult this combination is!) Festive rhinestone sweatshirts work fine for casual, but avoid ones that light up. You’re more likely to be recognized when you go back for seconds.
- Apply just enough makeup to hide the years, but not so much that you are mistaken for Morticia from the Restful Sleep Manor
- Take a second look at your feet to make sure you’re wearing matching shoes
- Never use a mirror to look at the backside of anything on your body. What you don’t know can’t hurt you.
- When you sneak out early, smile, and walk backwards so the guests won’t know if you’re coming or going
A few days ago, three friends and I (none of us worried about being carded) attended the Andy Williams Christmas extravaganza. We were young whippersnappers in comparison to Mr. Williams’ eighty-plus years. The five of us, including Mr. Williams, may have taken my ”elastic waist“ advice a little too much to heart. I’d never seen an elastic waist tuxedo before. And why is it when we hit seniordom, we think sparkly tops dress up any outfit? From our waist up, we all twinkled like Christmas lights. Perhaps a hope that the glare from all the glitter will blur our wrinkles?
Whatever. It worked. Suddenly we were young again, listening to songs we’d heard as young children anxiously waiting for Santa. As a closer, Mr. Williams crooned a popular version of his favorite carol. Who knew Moon River was a Christmas song?
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you pretty much nailed it this time.
I’ve always said, “never trust a man who wears pants with an elastic waist band.”
Now, most days, I am one.
How awesome that you went to see Andy!