It’s college football season. A time when women consider their husband a living room fixture, sitting sometimes almost lifelike in front of a big screen TV. Flipping channels is now considered an indoor sport. “Honey, do you want something to eat?”
Grunt.
“Push the remote button twice if you’re hungry for dinner.”
I know the season well — wives decorating husbands in lampshades because they haven’t seen signs of life since Friday. Nothing could distract my dad from his football. When Mom vacuumed near his favorite chair, she’d have him raise his legs as if he were the recliner. He once tackled the television in a decisive play. I had no voice in my sport of choice. It was either football or doing the dishes. I almost got disowned for not attending USC.
Last season I went to a basketball game in one of those luxurious box seats and watched a football game on the big screen. It was a Clipper’s box. What would you expect me to do?
I indulged and watched my alma mater play the other night. A new strategy — alternating quarterbacks? Is this football job sharing? I’ve decided I like the speed dating version of football. It’s easy to be an adoring fan after the final two-minute warning. When better to witness exciting plays under pressure, maybe even a ”Hail Mary” or a “Holy Cow, What-Was-He-Thinking” throw. Every once in a while the quarterback actually listens and throws to the guy that I’m screaming is open. I can celebrate if my team wins or if they lose, the pain is over quicker plus I don’t have to feel responsible for bringing them bad luck. (I think that’s a mom thing.) It’s not like you have to see the whole game or you’ll miss the plot.
Remember what Erma Bombeck said, “If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”
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Hahaha! Perfect! Thanks for the nice story Penny : )
I was so lucky to find a husband who isn’t into sports! Now if I could just drag him out from in front of his computer!