Remember when

When you could dress without assistance? 

Apparently I don’t know if I’m coming or going.  I drove to the beach to listen to the waves with one of my “pick up where you left off” friends.  When I tried to tuck my keys in my pocket, I found no pocket.  “I was sure these shorts had a pocket,” I said.  I reached around on my backside, and, lo and behold, found the lost pockets.  “Darn, my shorts are on backwards.”  Janice laughed. “You have to admit the pockets in the back makes my belly look more svelte than usual,” I said.

When you could remember your kids’ names and birthdates?

Okay, I’ve always suffered lapses in name calling.  But eventually I’d spit out the right one.  Then it got to the point, I couldn’t always come up with the right name, but I could guess the beginning letter of the name.  Now I need clues.

When you could use proper nouns in a sentence?

I’m into adjectives.  After I log answers to those stupid security questions about names of my first pet or my best friend growing up, I feel safe with a fallback.  Then as expected, I forget my password.  I’m put into a position to type responses to the questions I once answered.  Maybe just yesterday.  Suddenly I can’t remember anything except that my pet was a black cocker spaniel and my best friend had blond hair and blue eyes.

Seriously?  Next step, adverbs.

When what you did made sense?

Like closing the garage door after pulling the car in.  “You left the garage door open all night,” my husband reported to me in the morning.

“Was anything stolen,” I asked timidly.

“Not that I can see,” he says. 

Where’s that “restore brilliance” shampoo when you need it?  I think we could both use a good shampoo.  But before I speak that thought out loud, I’m gonna check — maybe stolen items leave gapping holes like missing jigsaw puzzle pieces.

When you booked a flight, boarded the aircraft, and flew out in half an hour? 

And I’m not even talking about the long security process.  Knowing the long drawn out process of flying these days, my husband offered to help me out.  “I’ll book your flight,” he offered.  I gave him the dates, and gratefully turned the arduous task over to my generous travel agent.  When the date came around, he drove me to the airport and dropped me off.  Only problem — wrong airport. 

When you could remember important dates without bells and whistles? 

“Is Friday evening good for a movie?  Let me know and I’ll mark my cell phone calendar.  It plays a cute little music reminder ditty.  Of course, the first time it dittied, I couldn’t figure out what the heck it was and where the noise was coming from.” my friend emailed.  “They say it takes 30 days to change a habit, so I should be good now.  I’m on the 31st day.”

Last week I drove to the grammar school to drop kids off, and I’m an empty nester.  So much for that 30-day rule.

My mom used to tie a string around her ring and she’d know she was supposed to remember something.  Years later, she’d see the string and wonder what she was supposed to remember.

Remember when?  When, what?

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