I’m not kidding. By the time you’ve read this, we have arrived at the Kern River. The temperature is 110 (in the shade). Who is their right mind would pick this location for a family vacation? Right mind is the operative term. That’s never been my family’s strong suit.
Heat alone is reason enough not to want to be closer than arm’s distance to anyone you barely know, let alone love. Not to mention the heat from the kitchen since I’ve prepared food for the trip and cooked for seven straight hours — enchiladas, lasagna, pumpkin rolls, bundt cake, German chocolate cake (a plain chcolate layer for Mr. Green Jeans who doesn’t like coconut), and zucchini bread.
The last time I vacationed with all my kids in hot sweltering weather was back in the late 80′s when on a cross-country journey one of the states we passed through was Kansas. Local radio stations cautioned listeners to beware of brewing tornadoes. The sky darkened to pitch black. My energetic campers slept, sprawled in the back of our new Volkswagon Vanagon. The vehicle reeled back and forth. The skies bellowed, then glowed silver, lighting up every piece of nothing surrounding us. It was true Kansas only had one tree, and we hadn’t passed it yet. “Jefferson County residents, take shelter,” the newscaster warned as the van’s headlights illuminated a sign — Welcome to Jefferson County.
The wind rocked the giant shoebox on wheels. I pulled to the side of the road and watched nature’s light show. By morning the sky cleared, and we had survived. The tornado left behind souvenir temperatures of well over one hundred degrees and ninety-eight percent humidity. The dank air felt like flypaper against my skin.
To the pleasure of my children, we were at the doorstep of an amusement park. Our first real vacation and I sat melted to a hot metal roller coaster car. After prying ourselves from metallic kitty cars, we sat in barrels floating on contrived rapids. Unexpectedly the power in the entire park shut down. Forty-five minutes later, attendants escorted us off the ride and handed us a pass to return the next day. My plans didn’t include a return visit, then or ever.
After two hours in a line drenched in my own perspiration, I received a full refund and an emblem stuck to my chest stating in bright, bold letters, I survived Worlds of Fun. The attendant sensing my lack of fulfillment penciled in, Barely.
I certainly hope this family vacation turns out better. At least we will eat better.
Related posts:
- Family vacation nightmare
- Wish me luck
- Family vacation Chevy Chase style
- Trip ahoy
- Bound for the son
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Enjoy! Sounds like anything would be better than the Kansas visit, even with all the heat. (And YUM!! You have enchiladas and pumpkin roll! What could possibly be better!?)
Stay cool, have fun, eat lots!
When I think about the reasons I moved away from Michigan I ask myself was it really because of the snow OR was it really because of the humidity. Don’t melt!!
By the time I read, “I’m not kidding. By the time you’ve read this, we have arrived at the Kern River. The temperature is 110? (in the shade).” My next thought was who the heck would pick that place for . . anything. Still . . . . Kern County might be better than anywhere in Kansas.
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