I went to the gym this morning. I’m on a roll. One day in a row.
The only exercise I enjoy is walking around the buffet table. But my aunt inspires me. She works out religiously — spinning, running and aerobics. I have those things in my life too — my head is spinning, my nose runs every time I bend over, and for aerobics I wiggle, as they say in “gym” talk, until I feel the burn, into last year’s jeans. She moved to Vegas in 1959 when the mob kept the riff raff out of the city. That sounds like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? She entered the Rock ‘n’ Roll half marathon and took first place for her age group a few years ago. Okay, she may have been the only lady in her age group, but still it’s quite a feat. Punny feet.
I have this theory that exercise makes you eccentric. My aunt collects pigs and wears a snout held in place by an elastic band when she opens her front door. That was my husband’s first impression of her. Since their slightly awkward introduction, hence the name Aunt Piggy. What if exercising made me strange? I know you’re all thinking, And that would make Penny different than she is, how? Okay, I admit it’s genes, NOT tight jeans, that makes me odd.
No more excuses. This morning I warmed up on the elliptical. By the time I finished, you could have fried an egg on my forehead. I noticed the girl on the treadmill next to me. I could see daylight between her thighs. Isn’t that against the law?
Next I’m on the seated leg pusher thing-y. If I don’t get a sudden urge of umph, my knees are going embed themselves into my neck. I push, and someone toots. Then I realize that someone was me. Every time I push, another toot escapes. Now I understand why that big guy on the machine next to me was wearing a green pine tree car freshener around his neck.
I’m exhausted and hungry. I remember Aunt Piggy’s reason for exercise. You buy a pastry on the way home and it’s a wash. I went for the guiltless coconut donut.
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Story is so Funny!!! Especially the Tooting part… So true to life…
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