I think I can, I think I can

Last week So You Think You Can Dance? announced the winner of season 7.  I’ve never thought even for one minute that I could perform anything closely resembling rhythmic moves.  My season 7 ended unglamorously when I was thirteen.  I’m going to share something I’ve never told a living soul.  Seventh grade P.E. scarred me for life.  The Phys. Ed. teacher paired us girls off, then strolled around while in the background, a very old ballad, the Tennessee Waltz, played on a record player checked out from the audio visual department.  Mrs. Burton, the insensitive architect of our self esteem, held little squares of construction paper and handed us our grade by color code while we danced.  Pale yellow was my partner’s and my reward.  I got a D in the box step!  (There’s another D in my life.)  That’s barely passing.  I blamed my dad.  He called me Hopalong Catastrophe — said I couldn’t walk and chew gum at the same time. 

As a side note, I did have fun for a short time with the Twist.  You didn’t actually have to hear a beat to gyrate and twist the top half of your body in the opposite direction as your bottom half.  All you needed were thighs hefty enough to support you on the way down, and strong enough to grind you back up.  I tried a few old moves while writing this post.  Those thighs are still hefty enough to support me on the way down, but there isn’t a single part of me strong enough to get those knees out of their locked position to spring back up.

Back to my lack of rhythm and blues confession.  You didn’t have to tell me twice.  Early on I’d accepted I’d never be twinkle toes, but there were a few So You Think You Can spin-offs I toyed with. 

So You Think You Can ~ Install Your Own Crown Molding?  I’d never have made it past episode one if it were for my friends in the Spackle family.

S.Y.T.Y.C. ~ Eat The Whole Half Gallon Of Ice Cream?  The sequel — S.Y.T.Y.C. ~ Zip Up Those Pants?

S.Y.T.Y.C. ~ Get Your Hair Styled And Your Husband Will Actually Notice? was short lived, or was it my husband who was short lived?

Or S.Y.T.Y.C. ~ Rebuild The Kitchen Archway? airing on Friday when your husband’s surprise birthday party is on Saturday.  Surprise, the kitchen isn’t done.

I found a few other “I think I can” flops online from a fellow blogger, Anna Lefler.  Her spin-offs jumped the shark when the shows’ producers couldn’t come up with any contestants — like for the pilot So You Think You Can ~ Finish Vacuuming Before Your Guests Arrive?  (My vacuum is a permanent fixture in the middle of the living room.  I envision guests pondering that I’ve cleaned recently.) 

My favorite in her list of foiled shows is So You Think You Can ~ Apply Liquid Eyeliner?  Plenty of ladies of the street walked in to try out, I heard, but all of them propositioned the show for fifty bucks just for auditioning.

Personally, my biggest grandiose idea was So You Think You Can Parent?