Best way to kill a spider:
- See spider crawling on ceiling
- Brace self sturdily in upright position on sturdy platform
- Take an object (i.e., fly swatter) in right hand (depending on your orientation)
- Swat the varmint
- Wipe the remains off the ceiling
Knowing my sister and I are not like everyone else, consider the steps Holly took last night to rid herself of a ferocious intruder.
- See spider on ceiling
- Stand on bed, wobbling back and forth reaching overhead
- Use a rolled up magazine as your attack weapon
- Think of a logical way to proceed (our first mistake)
- Pause to allow the spider to pass over the bed’s center (to prevent remains from falling onto sleeping area)
- Reach off center (just slightly) to smash the arachnid
- Lose balance and fall into open closet
- Hit eye on drawer left ajar. (Thank heavens, she was wearing glasses, which are now in three pieces.)
- Continue descent and land on top an upright vacuum (what’s it doing in the clothes closet?)
- Slash leg
- Realize the gushing blood needs attention
- Proceed to bathroom
- Slip down the stairs (in your socks). (Did I mention the stairs were wooden?)
- Bruise hip
So my last question to Holly (as I am cringing) was, “Did you at least get the spider?”
“No.”
“Could you see him laughing as he crawled away?”
“Remember,” she said, “I broke my glasses.”
Postlude: I called the next day to see if she felt any better. “Yes,” she said, “except both legs hurt.”
“Why both?” I questioned.
“Remember I hurt one stradling the vaccuum, and the other bouncing down the stairs.”
“Oh, yeah.”
Related posts:
- What you won’t hear in Sunday School
- I’ll have a ticket with that
- Snowball effect
- Ideas to beat boredom
- It’s snot either
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Poor Holly!